Sunday, November 1, 2009

Paid Programming

I may be succumbing to paid programming.

Its got me.  At 5:30am, when I'm in the armchair feeding CJ for the first time and bored with the morning news, I'm surfing the endless channels of paid programming.  I mostly pass on the weight loss infomercials and the financial help, but really...

My Cuisinart blender/mini-processor combo is broken.  I might need a Magic Bullet.  I have baby food to make (in another month, but its still coming), and with the limited counter space in my kitchen, it really won't take up much space.  Have you seen all the food I could make in 4 seconds with a Magic Bullet and a microwave??  This could replace the mini-chopper I was thinking of buying, since apparently I can "slap all my troubles away."  How can you not be convinced by the Slap Chop Rap?  Its the best worst car wreck I've seen in a long time.

Then again, the question is do I really need a Magic Bullet, or should I just attempt to replace all my appliances with the Bullet Express?  Apparently I will never need to touch a knife again, as this gadget will chop all my vegetables for me, and will also make dough and work as a large processor.  I can kiss my tangerine orange Kitchenaid standing mixer that I coveted for years good-bye.  Same with my Cuisinart 11-quart processor.  I can get meals going in 8 minutes!!

Then I can take all the food I have successfully chopped and prepped sans knife and cutting board, and cook it in the NuWave Oven, which will cook all my food in half the time in one machine, using a combination of direct heat, convection heat, and infrared heat.  I can see my meat cooking with night vision goggles.   No more searing steak in a cast iron pan to finish off in the oven, and roasting green beans separately in the oven, or boiling potatoes to mash on the stove - why dirty so many dishes?

Then I'd be able to save hundreds of dollars a year once I pick up the Foodsaver machine, so I can vacuum seal all my food, both cooked and raw.  I can buy in bulk and freeze, or I can cook full meals and vacuum seal them so I no longer have to nuke a Lean Cuisine when I come home from yoga.  I can nuke the steak, beans and potatoes I made in the NuWave two days or two months ago.

Of course, now that I have all these new gadgets and I'm saving so much money storing my food, I'm going to have to find a way to organize it all.  The label maker simply won't do, nor will a sharpie on one of those plastic food bags.  I know, I could get a Cricut Expression!  Then not only could I make cool, bright, creative labels for all the food I've saved and bagged, I could make custom recipe cards to give away for the holidays!  I could scrapbook pictures of all the food I saved with my Seen On TV gadgets to prove they really do work!

With all the time and money I'd save, I'm sure I'd have more time to do things like raise my son and check my favorite blogs.  And here I thought I was just trying to make baby food.

*NOTE:  I actually did succumb and purchase a Magic Bullet today (the blender ladies, the blender).  I'll let you know how it works out.


  1. I can't wait to hear how the Magic Bullet works. I kind of want one but I'm not sure if I would actually use it.

  2. I have the magic bullet and I love it! We make our baby food in it, but we really love it for fruit smoothies and chocolate shakes!

  3. Ahhh, another fat, silly, dumbed-down American with too many shiny plastic cards, waiting to be spent. You and others like you are idiots. I'm sure you swallow all the ads, hook, line, and sinker. You believe in penis enlargement too, eh? That says a lot about the fat, dumb-assed americans. I guess we get what we deserve, when losers like you are bored at five in the morn.